My son's culinary favorites include Buffalo chicken wings, fries, pasta, candy, Oreos, and soda. He dislikes vegetables and most "healthy" meals, though he'll cheerfully dig into a medium rare ribeye and fresh sourdough. He loves eating out and often chooses quantity over quality. He also enjoys spending money, mostly on video games and the tasty foods mentioned above. To be fair - he's 13.
When we're out, he asks for a drink (other than our usual water) or a dessert, and I reply that I'm not buying that. He counters that he'll pay with his own money. I still say no, attempting to limit the junk/sugar/caloric intake. He grumbles about how it's his money and his body and how I'm over-controlling. This is where the "it's your money to spend as you wish" message collides with the philosophical guardrails we set up.
Yes dear one - you have your own spending money, but learning to manage your health is just as important to us as learning to manage your finances. There's a deep inter-connectedness between good health and wealth - neither being the definitive chicken nor the egg. The healthier you are, the better you'll perform at school and work, setting yourself up for later advancement and success. The wealthier you are, the more likely you'll be to take advantage of available healthcare services, and the healthier your living environment will likely be. There's an entire PhD thesis to deep dive into here ... but I digress.
Our spending guardrails for food boil down to "Yes you can buy anything you want ... but you cannot necessarily consume it [all], so choose wisely."
What's the point of buying something you're not allowed to eat? There isn't a point. That's why you must spend wisely.
As his ever-loving mama, even if he just spent his hard-earned money on it, I'm not going to watch my son eat 5 lbs. of candy in a week. Maybe over a few months - but we don't allow candy free-for-alls in our home. Candy's a treat, not a casual snack. He may not buy and chug a 12 pack of soda either. His long-term health is too important to me now. Someday it will be to him.
Call us strict and annoying, but that's our house rule, like it or not. My son being able to buy something does not permit him to consume it against our house rules. When he is on his own, adulting like a pro, he will make his own decisions on his health and on his finances. My hope is that these lessons stick with this dear child of mine.
To his credit, he is ultra-creative in trying to manipulate our structures to get what he wants. I'd like to think he's trying to figure it out, with the maturity of, well, a 13-year-old. It shouldn't have surprised me last night when he asked what our overall food budget is. I estimated $200/person/month. He asked if I would give him that budget, and allow him to buy his own food, which only he could eat, and he could only eat. Intrigued (and trying not to shut him down), I said he would have to make nutritious choices to nourish his body. I asked what he would buy.
He mentioned steak, chips, Oreos, and Sprite-Zero. I gently interrupted asking him about vegetables. He offered up carrots, corn, and green peas [all very acceptable]. He continued down the macaroni and cheese, tater tot, and root beer zero path, so I nudged him back toward healthfulness. He tentatively added chicken to his theoretical shopping list. At that point he asked if he could pocket any excess funds, and I said we'd have to think about the entire proposition.
I appreciate his wanting to control his existence. I'm unconvinced he would make healthful choices, based on his current and past track record. Unfortunately for what he's asking, his health choices are more important to me than his financial choices. I think our first step will likely be getting him more involved in meal planning, food budgeting, and shopping as a starting point. He'll see that cheaper food is usually not better food and we'll have that conversation. Yes, we can lower our food budget - but that may not be the right or best answer. It's confusing for sure. Hopefully one day he'll internalize and appreciate what this tired mama is fighting so hard for him to learn.
I'm not sure if it's harder to be a teenager or a parent these days, but I'll never stop trying.
How do you teach your children about making good health and wealth tradeoffs?
Not sure how to introduce money concepts to your children? Check out this online course: Raising Wealthy Kids
Stephanie Brooke Lennon is the author of Family Bank Blueprint, GoldQuest, and What Would Water Do? Simple Strategies for Navigating Life's Obstacles. Her titles are available in Paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com. Follow Stephanie Brooke on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Twitter, Amazon, and at BrookeLennon.com.
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